In Vino Veritas
by xXdreameaterXx
Summary: Post Death In Heaven. Missy visits the Doctor in his TARDIS and finds him completely drunk and confessing things he under different circumstances would never have said. Twelve/Missy. Twissy. Rated M for language.


_This is a little something for Wraith17, who wanted a drunk!Doctor/Missy fic in an attempt to keep me from writing my other fanfics and prompts. It worked, you fiend :(_

**In Vino Veritas**

Missy had been looking forward to this moment for days and it had cost her all her patience to actually wait until the Doctor had dropped Clara off and gone to look for Gallifrey – the Gallifrey that wasn't there. She teleported herself into his TARDIS to find the control room empty. She walked around carefully, trying not to make too much noise with her high heels. Until his absence started to worry her.

"Doctooooooor?" she called out, striding across the room.

There was no answer. Just the never ending gurgling complaints from the TARDIS. A thudding sound, followed by some grunts coming from another room caught her attention. Missy approached the door and opened it carefully, revealing the Doctor's bedroom. In it she also found the Doctor himself, slumped down in front of his bed and he looked absolutely miserable. She couldn't tell whether he was asleep or just momentarily passed out, although the nearly empty bottle of hypervodka in his hand indicated the latter.

"Oh Doctor," Missy sighed and knelt down next to him. She took the bottle from his hand and set it down on the floor before she gently slapped his face.

"Wakey, wakey, my love," she said in her sweetest voice.

The Doctor lifted his head very slowly and his unfocused eyes found her. His face was a mask of horror and confusion.

"Oh sweetheart, what have you done to yourself, huh? That's too much vodka even for a Time Lord," Missy scolded him.

"Missy?" he drawled, apparently still having trouble focusing his eyes on her.

"Yes, my love?"

"Argh," the Doctor waved his arm uncoordinatedly, almost hitting her in the process, "Who 'm I talkin' to? You're not ev'n here!"

"But of course I'm here, darling. I came back for you," Missy reached out to touch his face. The Doctor nuzzled against her palm, "I'd have come sooner had I known your intention was to drown every single one of your senses. We could have shared the vodka, like in the old days."

The Doctor only snorted in reply and Missy started pondering what to do with him. He would sober up soon enough, his Time Lord physiology taking care of that, but she didn't want to leave him on the floor in the meantime.

"Come on, let's get you to bed," Missy got up and offered him both her hands to help him up. He looked back at her but didn't move.

"What's the matter, Thete? Get up!"

"You're a hallucinnnation. I'll jussst ignore ya," he slurred and turned away from her.

Missy groaned. Stubborn, drunk fool. She bent down and reached under his arms, dragging up up to the bed. Thank God her strength hadn't changed with the female body, otherwise she'd have never been able to lift his dead weight.

"Easy," he grunted as he fell back into the pillows and Missy was starting to take off his shoes. She sat down beside him when she was done.

"Why are you hallucination about me?" Missy asked curiously, deciding to play with him before the effects of the alcohol wore off and he would start being rude to her again.

"Your new body is soooo hot."

"Damn, I should record this and play it every time you're mean to me," Missy said to herself with a gleeful smile, "But do go on."

The Doctor turned around to look at her for a while as if pondering if she was really there or not, but couldn't decide.

"I'd've toooootally banged ya, ya know?" he drawled, "If ya hadn' been. . . pulverized."

_I definitely should have recoded this_, Missy thought to herself.

"You're very welcome to bang me now," she suggested, a devilish grin on her face.

"Nah," the Doctor waved a hand, "You're not real. Besssides, too much hypervodka."

Missy shrugged. "It's a shame."

She decided to use the situation and climbed on top of him, resting her head just above his hearts.

"Wadda ya doin'?" he asked, looking horrified, "Stop it, illusion-Missy!"

"I'm your illusion, darling. Make it stop," she breathed against the fabric of his shirt, smiling with satisfaction of finally being able to touch her Doctor without hearing him complain. . . too much. He didn't make it stop. Instead she felt his clumsy fingers absent-mindedly combing through her hair, taking apart her updo until her curls fell down and spread across his chest. When his caresses grew scarce and eventually stopped Missy knew that the Doctor had fallen asleep. Should she leave him with the impression he had only imagined her. . . or stay and delight in his shock? No, the things he had said were too good to waste the opportunity.

"Missy?" the Doctor half groaned her name as if in pain when he woke up, "What the hell?"

He pushed her off of him and abruptly sat up, staring around the room, looking for a good explanation.

"Good morning, my love," Missy stretched herself, "How's your head?"

"What are you doing here?" he hissed, "How come you're alive?"

"Think, darling."

She could see the Doctor rummage around his brain for the memories of last night. It took him a moment, but she was sure from the blushing of his cheeks that he had found them.

"You had no right to come in here."

"But I did. And I'm glad I did. Otherwise I'd have never heard all the sweet things you said about me," Missy replied, a smug smile forming on her lips. Oh, she didn't regret staying. He was delightfully embarrassed.

"I was drunk. I thought I was imagining you," the Doctor defended himself, "And now get out of my TARDIS."

"In vino veritas, honey, in vino veritas," she hummed as she got out of bed.

The Doctor just growled at her. Missy slipped on her bracelet and winked at him.

"I'll be back," she blew him a kiss before she pressed the button and vanished.


End file.
